Old Times

I'm at my folks again until tonight. Mum invited her neighbours round for a meal last night and as there weren't enough chairs I spent the night upstairs. I felt like I was 8 again, not being able to socialise with the nice people. As their next door neighbour is terrified of cats two of the moggies were in the bed room with me.

Mps player on I finished off Confessions of a Carb Queen which was really great. I totally identified with many parts of her story, especially the hiding take out wrappers under car seats. Ick. Moved on and read Janet Street-Porter's book Life's too f***ing Short,which is Porter's no nonsense guide to cutting out the crap things we do in life. I have decided as a result to delete about 90 % of my online contacts as some are a waste of space. I am considering selling several of my classic novels on line. I have about 10 boxes of books doing nothing in my parent's garage. I will never read them again unless I really love them! I'm thinking about the New Year now and whilst I will not make resolutions per se I am going to improve the quality of my life and reduce the clutter therein.

The Wonder Gel

You find me in a better frame of mind today after raiding the bathroom cabinet last night. I am now dowsed in arnica gel and detox gel, both of which are said to aid soreness including after exercise.My aches feel marginally better. I spent the time in bed stretching out my sore muscle (the rectus femoris)

Weigh in again this morning and can report that I have lost weight rather than gained some-result. This feels like a relief.

The delicious delivery van arrived early this morning with 3 of the 4 weight loss memoirs I ordered, just in time for the New Year, and I have already delved into one. I find memoirs incredibly inspirational.

Hopped into the gym and swam for half an hour and let the spa pool sooth my limbs temporarily.

Sunday- gym assessment

 I skipped off to the gym on Sunday full of enthusiasm. All classes were cancelled so no aqua class. Started with a gentle swim for a while instead. Had lunch and shopped nearby with my Christmas money. Bought a lightweight fleece for gym cool down and a thick yoga mat on sale so I can have a mat at my parents house too.

At 2.00pm I met the guy who was to give me my gym work out. The guy whom today is on my hit list of people I will not be sending a Christmas card to in 2010.

We start out on the bikes. No worries there. My heart rate gets going. I had imagined him to give me cv work with a little bit of weights. No. This guy gets out the swiss ball and has me doing 45 deep squats. Next a heavy ball is then flung round the gym in all directions, involving twists and squats and i'm feeling like a prize prat. 45 knee modified press ups later I can barely stand. A quick hop on the treadmill and my heart rate is ok. I'm sweating like no ones business from the ball exercises. My arms and shoulders are give a work out from the windlass, set half way. Then a hundred sodding metres of rope climbing. I'm so relieved when its all over. I get introduced to the power plate, which shakes out the lactic acid in the body. I feel thoroughly worked. Later in the evening I feel wiped out and slightly achy. One day later I can't use my sitting down leg muscles so very well because it hurts so much and walking is quite uncomfortable on the legs. I decide to forgo all excercise today and wont be repeating the masocist gym plan. I will have to construct my own.

Tomorrow I have an aqua class which I will struggle with but I think it will be easier than doing the stretches in yogalates at the minute.

 I weighed myself as usual on Sunday and was disappointed to find that my weight was up to 319.8. I couldn't work out why because I have been an example of virtuous eating all damned holiday. It clicked today- It was pre menstural weight. So I will weigh myself tomorrow and record the loss then instead.

As the gym was mind numbingly dull I have invested in an mp3 player, which takes me somewhat into the digital age. It has a radio too which will also accompany me on walks when it gets a bit warmer. I am irritable, weary and achy: I feel so unfit and sore. Less moans tomorrow!

The Long Awaited Gym Visit Arrives.

I rose uncharacteristically early today and headed off to my new gym. I braved the icerink carpark and made it as far as reception.

There they forced me to fill out a booklet or two and then gave me a gym orientation. This consisted of a man pointing at the pool saying this is the swimming pool, this is a cross trainer etc.: all no brainer stuff. What amused me was that there were two flights of stairs to the yoga and tai chi studio I will be knackered before I get up there.  I booked in for a gym assessment tomorrow afternoon.  The yoga class had been cancelled. Damn it- that is why I was there, mostly.

 I spent 20 minutes sweating in the gym, burning off two of yesterday's clementines, drinking a bottle of water and then I did some lane swimming for a while. Sat in the hot tub because I could for two minutes and felt my fat thighs wobble with the water resistence.Dripped over the changing rooms and hid in the second changing room to get out of my wet costume. N.B. When climbing into my bathing suit I did not use the changing rooms as they were full, I sort of exhibited my arse to the world. I feel so brave. Similarly when walking through the gym I put on my best I'm not self conscious walk back to the changing rooms. Wow. I have to do it all again tomorrow!

Festivities begin in Earnest.

Christmas Eve already? I awoke this morning to the scene of snow clinging to the tree outside my bedroom window.

We played Christmas music all day to keep the sugar and me in the festive mood. Lover boy threw a snowball at me and managed to get my hair sodden on the way to the florists in the search of a bowl of hyacinth bulbs but I got him back pronto. The florists were stuffing themselves with mince pies and were boozed up with wine whilst the newsagent was digging a path so that the elderly wouldn't fall.

Snuggled up on my ever so comfy sofa we watched Miracle on 34th Street and were charmed and sarcastic in equal measures. He ate paprika pringles and I touched not a one. I'm starting to find my resistance a minor miracle in itself. 

Selecting a meal for tonight was a bit of an ordeal as I didn't have a clue about what I wanted. Settled on prawns and noodles from the chinese as it needed to be marginally more feasting fayre than normal. I didn't over eat and the remains went in the bin. I was going to have mulled wine tonight but I have abandonded it due to the calorific nature of my meal. I have to make compromises along the line if I am to get any where on this journey. Plus I have a bumper bag of the ripest, sweetest, freshest citrus fruit available. God it's set to be a reasonable couple of days.

Merry Christmas to you all in blog land, where ever you dwell. x x x

Gym newsflash

I received a friendly email from the manager of the local gym I have temporarily joined. They said " just come down to the club" as no card is posted out, despite what the website said. All those days of anxiety and all I needed to do was brave the cars on the road and just present myself in all my rotund glory. The sweet irony is that if I went today I would miss 2 of my 12 days this week. So I have decided to attend the gym on the 26th, so that I get in the maximum number of days per deal. It was a hard decision I can tell you as I'm dying to get to the yoga classes, two of which run today. Plus the roads are like marble with the compacted snow and ice out there. As a sweetner to myself I will follow a yoga dvd at home on Christmas eve, between the Miracle on 34th st (original version) and some other film the apple-of-my-eye will bring over tonight.

A friend from school emailed me yesterday regarding meeting up whilst she's home for the holidays. It will be lovely to see her and she's adoreable so I don't need to worry about her reaction to my increased girth because there will be none. The reason I mention it was that she told me about a mini school reunion between about ten of my former classmates and she asked if I'd be interested in going. Two of which hated my guts at school and spent their teenage years sneering at me. I'd love to say that people do change, that people grow up but I have taken the cowards route out of it. I will not be attending partly because I'd rather have teeth pulled and partly because I do not want them to see me at this size.  I know I have been advised to not put off anything but when you get together with your soon to be long term boyfriend at a 16th birthday party and one girl says "urgh you've got off with (the shrinking violet)"loudly to him infront of your peers you don't want to hang around them 20 years later as roles don't alter that much. Fat pride takes a backseat as my self preservation kicks in.

 I have two food things I want to mention. The first is the arrival of the annual Christmas bowl. No this isn't that odd version of rounders you Americans play but the putting out on display a ceramic bowl full to the brim of Cadbury's roses chocolates in the living room for "guests who drop by". I will not eat any of them, however, I have developed this weird and worringly obsessive habit of counting how many are left in the bowl to see how many my parents have eaten over the course of a morning etc. It's a mightily odd habit to develop. I just need to remember that bright colours in nature often signify poison and Cadbury's roses have bright wrappers; there's logic for you.

What I love about the difference between America and England is the way we treat bread and cheese. Here we turn it into cheese on toast: there it becomes a grilled cheese sandwich (call it a fried sandwich for goodness sake be honest!) An internet friend from Boston revealed the secret of the grilled cheese sandwich to me last night so I did a mini culinary experiment. I made one with half a slice of a very small loaf, some olive oil and reduced fat cheese. The results were ok, but I'll stick to the british version. My mother, however, had her imagination caught by the delightful cooking smells that she had russled up two whole slices of fried bread, skimping on the cheese to erm "save calories"(sic)  Shakes head in disbelief. (It's not easy to watch her eat some continental biscuits after that because she has already lost over 30 pounds herself in the last two months and has mostly abandoned sensible eating because it's Christmas.)

Not Fit

I'm reminded of primary school just now . When the field was wet they'd post a sign on the hall saying " Field not fit" and "Field Fit" when it was fine. Today is definately a field not fit day. We don't get all that much snow in England so when it does hurl the white stuff down we don't know how to deal with it. Everything stops. The news reports nothing but snow news. Huddled with my mug of ovaltine light I feel greatful that we headed to the shops yesterday now nothing can send me out for a while.

I've officially given up on the gym pass arriving before Christmas. It was another early rise to be defeated by the post. I've sent the gym head quarters a slightly sarcastic letter and hope that they issue a new pass in the next few days.

Mum is getting goods from the delivery man daily now. They are practically on first name terms. We are stocked up on face creams 'til 2057 at least. I thought i'd get in on the act and ordered some weight loss memoirs online. They have been dispatched today. They should start arriving after the Turkey blitz. I ordered Such a Pretty fat, The Incredible Shrinking Critic, Passing for Thin and Confessions of a Carb Queen. They should set up up for January.   Then I went on to spend imaginary money online by logging onto my favourite shops and pretending I could order what I wanted. I made quite a list although cast iron bookends, buttons, necklaces, embroidered mirrors and picture frame hessian memo boards were tempting. I'm missing buying frivolous things for the home this season.

Venturing out

I was out of bed radidly in the morning in the hope of catching the gym pass as it plopped through the letterbox. Eating cinnamon oatmeal I looked into the snow for the postie. The letters arrived full of bountiful joy- a card from friends in Majorca and the Yorkshire Dales. Also included the local theatre was advertising its new season but no gym pass. Getting up early and the longed for gym trip being no go, despite me having prepared for 12 pm yoga, made me really irratable.

I wasn't aided as I went with mum in the snow to the supermarket. The fruit and veg isle was pilled high with sprouts and parsnips and potatoes. Everyone was jammed into one spot with their huge baskets dithering over choices. The supermarket gleamed with great food for Christmas. Though I did stop to scoff at the low fat sausage rolls- I mean really what is the point? I panicked for five minutes over the pasta section as I struggled to find wholemeal pasta. I landed lucky and was rewarded by some really tiny wholemeal pasta shells, which have been made into a mushroom bake with some clever help from some herbs, eggs, garlic and onions and will be served soon. I'm desperate for that pass to come tomorrow my mood will be so much better after a day of exercise in the warmth.  

Snow and weigh in

 

I got angry yesterday. Cold raw anger. It doesn't matter what it was over but what is interesting was the effect on my body. I felt intensely wounded and it physically hurt. I got an immediate desire to eat everything in the cupboards. I settled for a low fat version of a bacon sandwich and then forced myself not to eat anymore but that oh so familiar feeling was there, intensified by the emotion.  After an uncomfortable night I woke up in a relatively good mood. 

More snow has been falling overnight and it looks like the top of an iced cake out there. The cats have reacted differently to the conditions. Dilys, who is on a weight loss regime herself, was out playing in the snow like some snow leopard whilst the other two dozed for England in the warmth. Even I was curled up in a hand me down soft- as-a-teddy-bear-feeling sweater.

The weigh in was a pleasant surprise. I have managed to lose a stone for 2010! Now all I have to do is lose a gram or two over this holiday week. That's the real challenge. 

 

Postal Unease

The 12 day gym membership was purchased on Tuesday evening. They said allow three days for delivery. I was disappointed yesterday when the post was bereft of post and mortified today when the doormat was empty. I'm raring to get my 12 days in before the new year. So to tell you the truth I'm a bit down today as I hate waiting for anything and Monday seems remote.

Whilst searching the net for all things weight loss I found a dress size calculator. I thought I'd work out when I will be able to squeeze into a uk size 18. I was expecting the date to be Dec etc but the date it showed was March. I then did a calculation for a uk size 12 crossing my fingers and a date in December came up. I was stunned. The potential reality of a possible weight loss came to me and I did get a shiver of excitement. I also found you tube videos of the Joy fit club, where people who have lost over 100 pounds tell their weight loss story. Check it out if you haven't already.

Christmas tree walk and chocolates

There's a petrol station I call in practically every week and each time I get insulted each time I go in. It was late at night there were four of us lined up outside to pay for our petrol. The attendant makes the first transaction and doesn't speak to the guy. Ditto the second. Then it's my turn I pay my money and then when he gives me my change he points to the large chocolate display and says, "there are two chocolates for 86p". I wouldn't mind ordinarilly but he says this to me without fail every single visit and I never purchase his blasted chocs. He says this to just me. I hate the thought that must be going on in his head. Fat woman must want chocolate. Fat women must want to eat cake. Fat women argh. It made me so angry I made a mental note to have a little blog rant about it and I bought my petrol from elsewhere tonight. Job done.

On a lighter and brighter note I braved the freezing cold to go on a walk near home (photos on the two previous posts). For those of you who didn't read my blog last year you need to know that where I sometimes walk is surrounded by trees which get decorated as if by magic by the Christmas decorating elves. It's really cool to walk and stumble upon forty odd decorated trees in the middle of nature. Some have lovely cards of thanks or remembrence attatched to them- it's a fabulous tradition and is worth putting up with the muddy footpaths to see them. Returning home to warming onion and potato pie was a blessing too.

Snow has fallen lightly tonight and the snow falls as I type so I'm feeling all warm and Christmassy. On Wednesday night I was taken to see White Christmas the musical, which was fabulous especially at the end, when it was made to "snow" inside the stalls where I was sat.

First Christmas tree

Photos of today's walk

Nuts and just what I need.

My dad obsessively feeds the birds. There are different spots all over his garden where he places food for the tiny birds. He gets aggreived if the bigger birds or animals show a desire to eat from his food provision. A few years ago I gave my parents a squirrel proof bird feeder that has bars surrounding it thicker than a maximum security prison. Whilst preparing my egg on toast this morning I looked out to see a very wired squirrel trying his damndest to get the nuts in the feeder. It was scrambling up rose thorns and trying to walk down 6ft brick walls all in the desire to get to a peanut or two. It made me laugh sadly as I used to be that way with high octaine junk food. What chemical in the brain drives desire?

 Since I met you know who I haven't been to one single yoga class and lately I've been itching to get stretching again. The local sports centre has two sessions a week one I can't attend and the other so early I'd see the milkman if they still existed in large numbers. It's also I think rather expensive for dated surroundings. Looking online I found a really good deal. A twelve day gym membership at the rather nifty newish gym in the centre of town. I printed off the inclusive exercise classes and they have 7 yoga sessions a week. There's bound to be a couple I could attend there for goodness sake! Plus I get to use all the other facilities.

Mum bought me the 12 day deal. It's to be used on consecutive days and I'm raring to get started over Christmas as a way to fight the day's turkey overload. I'm also thinking that I could perhaps afford an off peak monthly membership if the classes are good and the pool and gym fat friendly. I know some of you are thinking you will never attend the gym after the first month but the truth is when I was a paying monthly gym member before I did make use of all their facilities regularly. The only thing that might get in the way is the cost but what price is better health? Yes I could walk outdoors but I have shirked the cold recently I want a touch of luxury it may be just what I need.

Fat Stores

I'm at my parents for a couple of days to get some warmth into my bones rather than huddling round the heater at my little piece of Antarctica. Vegetables abound here. Lunch today was a milky parsnip and apple soup with a sweet and rooty flavour. Tonight i'm having that Crank's favourite Homity pie; wholemeal pie case filled deep with potatoes, onions, parsley, garlic and cheese.  My parent's kitchen smells heavenly.

For sport yesterday I took my fat stores (lovingly refered to as T K Fat) to the shops for the sheer joy of trying on clothes that fit. Here is what I learned this year through trying on everything in my size on the plus size rail. Not all clothes my size will fit or flatter, they simply aren't good enough for me and my body. Not rocket science I admit . Now I realise that clothing patterns vary from place to place and it's not me that's wrong it's the clothes! 

I'm seeing my clothing trips as therapy. I'm getting acclimatised to the bright lights and changing room doors that don't fasten and curtains with gaping holes in them and mirrors that magnify  T K Fat from all angles. Clothes shopping used to be unpleasant now I skip into the changing rooms full of hope, even when my purse is empty. I try on the garments, look at them thoroughly assess if it looks stunning, learning all the time about what flatters me best, then back on the hanger they go.  When a garment look ridiculous and a frightening number do, I laugh at the retailers pathetic attempts to sell me inferior goods.

Yesterday we fed my sick cat two tins of tuna as a last supper which it woolfed down ferociously. My folks took him to the vet imagining the worst. I shed numerous tears in private, steeling myself for the return of an empty basket. It returned quite jubillant and sneezed a little. Poor thing isn't quite as near to death as we imagined it's just suffering from a chest infection and an over active thyroid. Dad is very impressed at the cat's acting skills in conning us out of two tins of tuna.

Feasting

The annual feast at the local fine dining pub took place last night and it was food heaven. Spicy parsnip soup with toasted almonds, and fresh bread roll opened the event. Traditional fayre was what I wanted so it was turkey that melted in your mouth with all the trimmings. I was going to not eat the dessert but it was creme brulee with a fine crust of burnt sugar and a shortbread biscuit and cream on the side. I didn't eat the mince pie served with the coffee so I was congratulating myself all evening. I even remembered to remove my makeup later on that night.

Two heavy meals in two days. I worried they might play havoc with the scales but this morning it was registering a 2.8 lb weight loss. I am a loser- it's official!

I feel satiated after all that heavy food and best of all I have no desire to set in motion a chain of binges. Now I can eat simply until Christmas day, which is comforting. It's St. Lucia's day today. In Sweden they celebrate by drinking mulled wine with raisin and toasted almonds floating in it and eating gingerbread. Its a fine tradition but I've eaten the supplies of gingerbread already and a bottle of mulled wine with fruit and nuts is not going to help me lose weight. Instead I will celebrate by making my flat scrupulously clean, so the saint of light wouldn't trip over anything in her blindness. Though I may light a candle or two....

Daytripping again

 The weather forecast for Manchester said sunny and low the sun did shine. However, we were travelling in Derbyshire. The minute we hit the Peak District National Park the weather decided to get a little wintry.
Travelling amidst the mist covered valleys and hills defeated the object of driving the scenic route. Banks of fog shrouded the road; all we could see was the road. Eventually we arrived at the bleakest cold spot in Derbyshire that day- Bakewell.

Bakewell is renown for its famous pudding, a close relative to the bakewell tart. It's a creation of pastry, jam, egg and almonds. Totally decadent and fat ladened so much so the fat leeches through the paper bag. The pudding wasn't for me it was for the boyfriend so he got two puddings. Why two? Because there is a dispute in the town about who actually has the original recipe, and thus they vary slightly. Both must be savoured to decide which is the top.

We walked around the small town collecting goodies. Items purchased inclused a partridge, derbyshire oatcakes, award winning sausages and erm Belgian chocolates. The chocolates were for the boyfriend's birthday although I confess I did manage to eat two slices of candied orange when I got home.

Having had a hot drink, and leaving the complimentary biscuit(!) we made it out of the town away from its bird infested riverbanks and drove to find a speciality for Christmas- Hartington Stilton cheese. Navigating in the white out was not easy but due to the boyfriend's superior map skills we ended up in the village at the old cheese shop. We tried a ton of cheese, including a rather odd one of chocolate, orange and cream cheese. I came out with a huge block of Stilton for the Christmas table and some white stilton and blueberries for sheer novelty and the boyfriend was carting a garlic laddened number.

Brief respite at a country pub, where I watched longingly from beside the log fire as the boyfriend drowned an amazing tasting pint of draft cider.The stone circle visit was postponed due to bad weather so we made it into the city of Derby to hunt for a Mexican restaurant that no longer exists. We found a very suitable alternative though. Nachoed out we had eaten our fill and the boyfriend was sucking on his lime after his rather mellow tequilla. (One of 40 on their list). Home again exhausted and satisfied.

A stalker and memory loss

I think Santa is stalking me. I went out to the shops and there he was by the recycle bins. I kid you not! His sleigh was all lit up and Christmas music was blaring out. People were surrounding him collecting money. He's not the only man I'm not intimate with who is interested in me this month. The local newsagent keeps asking me a series of pertinent questions. Today's was, " What do you do for a living?" Nor was he satisfied with my vague answer of  " various things" he just had to grill me further. Next he'll be asking who I bank with and wanting to know what my future prospects are! The honey thinks the newsagent is chatting me up. Can you imagine! Things like that do NOT happen to me, it continues to feel confusing.

Tomorrow the honey and I are out into deepest darkest Derbyshire, regardless of the cold. It will be really strange to visit places where I used to go to when I lived for a few years in the county. I've made a decision not to visit my old village. The house is preserved in my memory and I don't want to see it lived in by anyone else.

The honey came over to stay on Wednesday night yet, I totally forgot to buy in food for his stay. There was no milk, no bread or anything worth eating. It's usually the first thing I worry about. In the supermarket the honey picked up my old favourite- oatmeal and raisin American style cookies. He nearly didn't get them as I sort of awwed because I used to love them. I said he should buy any flavour but those. After a little soul searching I said he should get them if he wanted them, he declined but I ordered him to put them in the basket because that's truly what he wanted with his cup of tea later that evening. He is the master of moderation and good sense and can stop after half a biscuit. Why? So that he can enjoy the other biscuit the next day! Sounds logical put that way. They are well out of my sight in the flat and I have no interest in them. Instead i'm having a snack of fruit here and there. This morning I forgot to eat again until he reminded me we should eat. Maybe I'm coming down with something!

Unexpected things.

I'm feeling marginally guilty about slagging off the chap's attempts to make me French toast a while back so in order to readress the balance on the ground of fairness I must make a mention of his rather wonderful other dish- Spicy Sardines.Sardines? I know I thought the same thing as you do. Barely fit for the household pet! But sometimes rather wonderful things come unexpectedly.

Sardines are a mineral rich oily fish, related to herrings, and thus are terrifically good for you. Though don't get me started on the difference between a sardine and a pilchard. Combined with exotic spices and chillis they take on a far higher status that you could imagine. Serve with rice and you are on to a winner! I would post the recipe here if I could but the spice mix is a little secret.

When the chap suggested I eat his dish I privately thought that I'd have to eat two mouthfuls and then feign illness or being full up but I was surprised. More than surprised-I was delighted. Spicy Sardines is a delight. Plus I was amazed at my chap's prowess in chopping onions regularly and finely!

It seems to me that unexpected things are what keep us going. When a fellow chatter posted a stir fried sprout recipe I baulked a lot as I have only experienced them over boiled on Christmas day. I bet they did taste marvellous. The unexpected reinvented.The simple things we over look.

Yesterday I got a Christmas card from the chap, totally out of the blue through the post. He'd designed a photo Christmas card himself with a picture I'd taken of him on the front and a cute picture of us both out on one of our summer walks inside. It was the most personal Christmas card I've ever received, and hence the best.

On my travels yesterday daytime I drove past a wall  in the middle of nowhere where a rather trim Santa was sitting waving at all the passing traffic. I of course waved back with all my might. It gave me a real buzz about the great things to be found out there!

Oranges and a cut.

Traditionally oranges or satsumas used to be placed into the toe of a Christmas stocking as a treat for Christmas. Yet I never had fruit in mine. I recall joyous Christmases where I opened my stocking presents to find a selection box of chocolate bars. Right there at 7 am I would rip open the box and begin to eat the confectionary. I was allowed to eat as much of it as I wanted-it was a holiday afterall and a tradition.

Looking back today I think I would have loved a clementine in the bottom of the stocking and I envy families who have this tradition, in the way that I used to look at a girl who would eat one shiny green apple a day in the school playground as I lined up for my biscuits at break time.

Terry's do a wonderfully tasty chocolate, infused with and shaped like an orange. I bought two during my bingeing phase with the intention of leaving them in the boyfriend's Christmas stocking. They didn't even make it to the wrapping phase and met the same demise as his favourite- a box of mint matchmakers! All traces of its DNA removed from my flat before he came over to visit. When it comes to chocolate I'm certainly not in control. So I'm happy to say that this year there will be no chocolate for Christmas. Instead I will continue to enjoy the intensity of the clementine, perky in its brilliant orange jacket and occasional green leaf.

I too am looking rather stylish today for once as I have iron straightened hair that feels light and swishy. The hairdresser balanced my head today in the way no one else can. It was a real delight to lie back and have my head shampooed and conditioned so that I fell into a near soporific trance state. I've stepped away from the old hair today and I'm shredding weight. Even my car tires have had a make over -air being pumped freshly into them. I love days like this, the sun low in the sky, casting shadows across my keyboard and lunch on the horizon.

A Hint of Gingerbread

I'm perhaps taking the idea of redesign a little too far having spent the weekend fascinated by templates, jpeg, psd, html and photo editing packages which resulted in me nearly taking up template design myself at three am. I don't think i'll play around with the design again until the new year, keeping some of the design elements already here. The new design hints at Christmas, like the faint scent of ginger in the air. 

Food has come as an unpleasant interruption to my editing and font sampling. It is a joy to be totally immersed in something obsessively so that food is placed where it should be placed. I have turned down a theatre invititation tonight so that I can catch up with the world and its blogs a little.  

I have also ammended my goal of losing 10lbs by January to losing 14lbs, so that chubby gingerbread man will have to run a little further this week.

 

Beside myself

I'm beside my self with mirth at the weigh in total as I'm nearly at December's goal in a week! Going to have to redesign that gingerbread baby too. At the new beginning weight loss is easy, its the future weeks you need to watch. A curse on those weight loss demons!

Mum's butternuts glowed in the oven as she baked them. With their two scooped out holes in the plump flesh they caramelised in the heat. They were left to cool. All seemed promising. Some magictry later the soup was ready; the orange gloop ready for tasting. The initial taste was disappointing there was too much water in the mix but underneath it was a subtle flavour which when you held onto it was slightly sweet and rooty. This is not one i'd serve you all readily but it was, shall we say, interesting.

Last night I went to bed hungry. Then I got up again and rooted for a wholesome supper in the cupboard. I came across some low fat rye crackers infused with cranberries.Delicious but oddly sweet. Reading the ingredients in the dim light I discovered my enemy- brown sugar-in crackers! Has the world gone mad? 






 

Some re-design

You may have noticed I've spent the whole of Saturday playing around with my blogger template for Christmas. I'm having a new look in the New Year too. I am having difficulty downloading the psd images or else it would be already being beamed to you. It's getting late now.

Weigh in and Butternut squash soup review to follow after i've had a good dose of beauty sleep.

The Water Jug

My cats are old. One of them, Hodge, is slightly off his head. I suspect he has the start of cat dementia. (This is not just going to be a kookie animal post hang on for a second!)

He's not quite sure where he wants to be and he has phases of restless. Poor old soldier is sneezing quite a bit too. Despite all this he runs past his water bowl outside to the water bowl, where the water is the coolest and freshest from the rainwater and he drinks this liquid. He drinks a hell of a lot of it. My parents and I look at him and think nope he's a gonner on a slippery slope downwards to the grim reaper but he's actually functionning well. Plus he's on orders not to die this year.

Then I think of my water consumption I pale in comparison to the lovely ginger and white. The cat knows he needs water and he knows how he prefers his water to be. I have given scant regard to my water intake. The focus has always been on the food.

There's always the debate of how much water to drink per day. 1litre? 1.5 litres? 2 litres? Too much water can kill people! Not enough water stops the body being effective! Let the body guage its own thirst! Make sure you urine is pale in colour! Add your own personal plan here!

What i do know is that diet fizzy drinks have to go from my diet. The ingredients are not natural enough. So thanks Hodge for reminding me and bring on the water jug, chilled with a slice of lemon please!

Simple food.

Porridge with honey and flaked almonds made a warming food this breakfast time. I've had another day revelling in the simple flavours of great food. I have in my hand a pink lady apple, sweeter than a cake and with a more refreshing crunch than crisps. My brain feels clearer somehow today. I haven't had sugar withdrawals or any intense cravings. Meals like egg on toast have satiated me.

Today I started what I thought would be an arduous task- that of editing November's mini novel. So far it is charming as I am re-reading and adding rather than subtracting. At some point I know I will have to be brutal with some scenes and get rid of things that are ok but don't fit with the plot. I guess editing is like weight loss- you add the nutrients and take away the slack.

My parents house has a lovely atmosphere tonight. There are piles of fruit in the fruit bowl and veg in the fridge, the cats are curled up in the warmth and dad has been venturing out for once socially. Mum is pouring over soup recipes to gain new ideas. She has lost 35lbs thus far and has dropped a couple of dress sizes.

I managed to get her a very dramatic jacket, from some where she has never managed to find what she wanted, for Christmas. It's a really lovely experience to have someone close by who has made such positive changes to their health. She has bought only a few new clothes and has bagged up the old ones so i'm hoping the jacket will be a hit.

My weigh in is in two days and I feel like i'm looking forward to it oddly.

Dark Victory

Tired from a late night and watching Suspiria (a 70s Italian thriller with a spooky sound track)I made brioche with blackberries for the third time this week for breakfast, but this time it was actually for he whom shall not be named. I was a bit anxious because I really wanted this dish to be a success and it was, it proved a real hit. It's unashamedly unfair to explain why I was so concerned but to sum up our history has in it the foulest breakfast dish every made by man, made by my man. After a difficult decision I had half a portion of the brioche stuff and was very glad i did, although I'm looking forward to a much more plain breakfast tomorrow.

Dinner was a rip roaring success too thanks to Ikea and their spud and meatballs. He whom shall not be named had dessert- a delightful buttery piece of daim cake. I knew how it tasted so I didn't need to taste it. I let him enjoy in peace although I had a gargantuan food envy.

Later in the supermarket I was over awed again by how much sheer crap lines the shelves. There's miles of really vile stuff. We spent our time checking out for foods that didn't contain palm oil. According to he whom shall etc. palm oil is destroying orangutangs habitat and is a major health baddy. It sneaks into alsorts of foods so easily in the list of ingredients. Still it didn't stop me sifting through all that food porn out there...

The desire to get on the scales every five minutes is over taking me at present. I was rather hoping to have dropped a stone over night(Cue dream sequence interlude...)

Yes you heard me brioche again!

made


I'm hanging my head in shame again this afternoon: I made brioche french toast again with poached raspberries instead of blackberries today for breakfast. Yesterday was a resounding success in terms of no eating between meals whatsoever and having no snacks. I'm convinced it was my hearty breakfast that made it so. I'm slightly baulking at all the fat in the brioche now. What seemed like a brilliant idea yesterday and this morning is less so this afternoon. Still a healthy balance of low fat food later on it the day should see me right...

I'm reading a book on food intolerance, food addiction and hypogylcaemia today. It's mildly interesting. It seems I have all three. The answer? Eat unrefined food, bring on the brown rice and brown pasta. I know it's really good for me over refined rice and pasta but its taste. I'm so reluctant to change my ways. I feel like i'm dragging my feet into good health, actually, i'm screaming.