There's a free slab of chocolate sitting on my bookcase.
I woke up this morning with a sense of certainty that today would be the day I went picking bilberries from the moors. With a sense of delight I rolled out of my goosedown bed. Clouds were gathering and rain was imminent.
I should have sense things were awry when I had my bowl of cereal and orange juice and grabbed a bag of crisps. I cant recall if it were 18 or 36g of fried potato I actually ate. The weather was dangerous so was my eating pattern. How my struggles are like a roller coaster.
Walking was kept to indoor shopping mall strolling, which according to my parent's newspaper the other day is quite the up and coming form of fitting exercise into people's lives.
I had good intentions of not spending, I really did. After all I have a budget to live on. The 1950s chrome style phone cried out to the aestheticism in me. Having driven home I emptied my emergency supply of cash with the can opener, prized open the can, took out the notes sporting the queen's head and other notables and drove manically back to the shops in case someone bought the phone before me. They did not. Hell I'm going to do poverty with retro styling.
I also bought a small bottle of showergel. It was wrapped up with cardboard and ribbon and the shop assistant slipped in a minature bottle of shower gel and a slab of chocolate, unbeknown to me until i did the great inspection in my room. The desire to treat myself with eating may have been replaced with a desire to buy myself cool things.This one time will not hurt and I will wear a hair shirt tomorrow when i travel to Derbyshire.
I had my evening meal out. I was going to eat at a fusion eastern restraunt, but seeing crowds of couples and families I didn't wish to draw attention to myself by dining in the restraunt alone. I can dine alone outside but today I wasn't needing the surfeit of food that restraunt dining allows. I bought a sandwich and promised myself coffee and dessert.
By some miracle I had neither the coffee nor the dessert, I just headed home instead.
I've had my cup of tea and the free slab of chocolate is firmly on my bookshelf until tomorrow lunch time. It's not an easy bargain to make but I don't want to destroy my recent progress. One day the battle will ease, I'm sure of it.
4 delightful comment/s:
Hi Stella
Loved your last post, it really cheered me up! You've gotta put a pic of your phone on here. It's horrible having no money to spend on nice things, I know what it's like which is why I avoid Town at all costs. I do have willpower but I can't help getting depressed windowshopping, it's not the same as actually BUYING something is it? I hope the choccy lasts until tomorrow, I know for a fact it will taste better if you wait longer...if that makes sense!
Jane
The phone is still in its box till I move, but i will try and snap a photo in the next few days.
I think it helps with anything one is getting over or striving for(me it is exercise of late.sigh.)to take one day at a time and when I do it actually- I allow myself the happiness whether I make it tomorrow or not- that day deserved the pride- tomorrow, who can tell yet? Okay, it wasn't anything new, but it has so far worked the best to keep me trying. (quirkus)
One day at a time is definately the way I go too.
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