Shit. I thought I was controlling my food intake I really did.
Yesterday I broke out into quite a sweat on my daily walk. All was rosey.
I spent 4 hours at the hospital this morning with mum and ate late. Had to watch mum down a litre of water with special additives that she did not want to drink.Then later I had the pleasure of working out how much money I don't have to pay my mortgage. I think both these things tipped me over the edge and I raided a selection of Italian chocolate I had bought at a fine deli.
They were carefully shaped into fish, I stripped the foil off quickly and ate with no pleasure. This was eating as a stress reaction. I tipped up the tiny fish and was about to eat the whole lot when I managed to see sense and I popped each fish back in the bag and back in the cupboard. I really have little control and there is no chance to walk today.
I really do wish I had two stomachs. One for normal processes and another, not attatched to my body where I could eat as much as possible and not gain an ounze. It feels as if I actually need so little food to function.
1 delightful comment/s:
Hi Stella
I do feel for you, I really do. I tried those nude coloured shorts on last night that I'd bought online at M & S and I thank God that no-one will see them! By that I mean they are going under my wedding dress (mainly cos of the colour) but otherwise they look bloody hideous!
I know you don't want to think about stuff I'm doing as you have enough problems...but I can tell you're really intelligent and was wondering if you could come up with a title of another blog I'll be doing soon that will document my life from aged 11 to 41 from my diaries. I'm going to link it with my usual blog (and vice versa) so what d'you reckon, any ideas?
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