I was in a bit of a state last night. It happens every now and again. You know those moments of pure self loathing because you are fat?
Usually when i'm in company I chat to most people and can be boisterous at times with the nervous energy i sometimes get. Other times I just feel like i am the world's least attractive and uninteresting person. Of course it happens to most of us at some point in our lives and i'm glad to say my gremlins rarely jump up and catch me. But last night they did. I loathe with a vengeange the way you get ignored or stared at as a larger person. There is no blending in except when you are seen by some members of the opposite sex as some freak like object. I don't often think like this and i know that this fear is in a lot of women.
It's odd how these feelings creep up on you. As far as food and exercise are concerned I am walking a smooth path. I haven't eaten between meals, I don't eat after my meal and i don't eat dessert unless its an apple or an orange etc. I know i am loosing weight this week. So why do my emotions try to sabotage me?
Any responses welcome to this odd question.