Sunday, 14 September 2008

Bingeing Blues

Posted by Violet Cream at precisely 2:51 am
There's been no blog all week, not because of a lack of time but a lack of a desire to face up to reality. Bit by bit eating has become a binge again. Nothing drastic but certainly out of control. I don't understand myself or the way I eat. I didn't plan well, it seems that I settled for second best again, let things slip.

I'm loving being in my house, the pace is relaxing and rewarding. I have time to really reflect and be creative. Yet I feel like an isolated old crone at the minute as i've been at my parent's place. The reason is a lack of people to interact with in the flesh, my parents being away. My amazing net friends have been brilliant but this week I've felt very lonely in their company despite large groups. I guess because my ego wants indulging and i've skimped on my medication too.

I've had issues with self worth to address this week. My emotional brain has dictated
If i am wanted then im worthy. No one wants me therefore I am not worthy. It's a real effort when emotionally you feel blah to take good care of yourself as you are always thinking it would be nice to be taken care of by someone else. I'm a firm believer in self care but the process is so difficult this week.

How to draw something constructive from what I say? It's hard. And I know that I will wake up one day and the pieces fit back into place. I'll sit this one out, cranking up the music and watching the world for a while; a little hurting isn't really that bad a thing.

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