Saturday, 23 February 2008

What do I gain from being fat?

Posted by Violet Cream at precisely 1:26 pm
I was going to show you pics of Tuesday's walk into whiteness today but my laptop button won't switch on. I don't know what's wrong with the damn thing. Let's pray it isn't permenant. So you find me back at my parental pc with less visual shots to hand. I may tease you with the Industrial North I'm not sure yet or a pic of another of my walking hats.

I read a bit of a book again last night, just the closing chapter- I've read it before I'm no turn to the last page freak. The Book is called "Overcoming Emotional Eating". There is a section which asks you to imagine that fat is your "best friend". In other words what benefits do you get from being fat. Then it asks you to imagine being thin and what negative associations that has for you.

I tried to imagine being fatter. Hell I've got an active imagination most of the time. This time nothing came to me. So what do I gain? Possibly attention alongside being brilliantly ignored. I'm quite secretive most days. Mum says I'm like the secret service. Yet here I am confiding in you. I like attention on my terms; retreat is possible whenever i select it. This doesn't answer the question really. It's one i'll work on. Thinness on the negative side I equate with not coping and nerves and worry. So perhaps my weight is to portray an image that i am actually coping and thriving when inwardly i'm not... I'll leave that gem with you.

Biscuit update. My life gets no easier. I returned to my parental home to find mum had ordered dad to get more chocolate biscuits, especially the kind i like (caramel chocolate covered digestives). So I kid you not there are 7and 1/2 packets of chocolate biscuits on the shelf, next to the cake. We could supply a small communist state! It's not will power i tell myself, it's about feeling the hunger. It's good that I have so many biscuits. The Beyond Chocolate website will tell me its a good thing to hoard impossible amounts of never ending food. If only I could invite you all round and you could polish off the blasted things i'd be relieved. Talk about diet sabotage. The power of resistence is strong today.

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