Appetizer fiasco.

Last night was mum's birthday meal. We set off to go out to one pub but when we got there discovered that as it was Monday they weren't serving food. My stomach protested strongly. After a bit of discussion and heated exchange we decided on a pub recommended by a neighbour, but we were a bit scared about the quality of the nosh.

The menu was almost on an a1 sheet of paper there was that much choice. Dad and i settled on the chicken pie and no starters, mum was fixated on the garlic mushrooms as well as a mains. In the end she decided for all of us we'd have the combo platter to share as a starter. Dad and I merely exchanged glances and accepted our fate.

There was so much fried food, albeit tasty. When mains came dad and I didnt have the heart to face the pie bit of the pie and miracle of miracles left food on our plates!


Last night after I'd left my parents was a disaster. The beau couldn't meet me as planned, for which I was disappointed. Then on the way home i pulled out of a side road onto a main road and was verbally abused by a passenger in a speeding black car. After shouting back in my defense, I cried most of the way home. Now would have been the time in the past I would have turned to junk food. I drove to the supermarket with an aching belly and tear stained eyes. I bought a craft magazine, not a thing more.

At home I still felt lousy as hell so I called it a night and went to bed ridiculously early.

Woke feeling more optimistic today. Was delighted that the peaches have now fully rippened and savoured the taste of potato pancakes with egg and spinach. My fridge is groaning with stuff.

I was re-reading a diet book again today. I'm amazed at how much advice is given to someone trying to lose weight, all of which will often conflict with another book on a similar vein. It's actually quite dull when you read for entertainment.

I've had to amend the planned meals for the coming week already as the quantities i'm preparing would feed the five thousand; they can be left to eek out another mealtime. There's a sense of pride tonight as i packed up food to take to my parent's house tonight. I'm becoming a planner- ever so resourceful too. I even brought with me a sprinkling of oatmeal for my smootie tomorrow morning as I know there's no porridge in their cupboards presently!

Tomorrow is my mum's birthday. We are dining out but I have no fear about this at the minute as I feel I could tackle Everest.

I felt like I was mountaineering yesterday as i climbed the route from home to the base of THE hill on a path that climbed ever upward. Bloody fly en route thought it would be an appetizer too and tried commiting suicide down my throat. Thank goodness for my reflexes! Took photographs of roofs as i admired the texture and colours.

Walked again today. I am craving those fancy stars!

Feeling Great

When I got up this morning I made fresh coffee from the coffee filter, sliced fresh lingonberry bread and added slices of bacon. It was simple and that's how I like food to be. I'm feeling wide awake and full of the joys of summer.

Planned my meals for next week last night. It was full of interesting seasonal food stuffs and ingredients I haven't eaten for a while- courgettes, aubergines and spinach etc. I thought the food planning would be a chore but actually it makes the whole thing a damned lot easier; this is something which i'm readily in favour.

A couple of days ago I climbed up THE hill with my beau. The sun was in full force but we got a gusty blow from the wind across the tops. The grass was billowing in huge clumps and it was a delight to show someone else one of my view of the world.

Reflections on Pyjamas

I felt like taking a picture of today's main meals. Don't ask me why, I have my whims.

On one such whim I bought a pair of pyjamas in the sale for next to nothing last week. They are meant to be my size but they are at least one size too small. I'm looking forward to the day i can wear them. The material is the thinnest cotton. They look delicate and fresh. I bet I end up fitting into them in the midst of a horrendous winter. They are currently on a hanger on the outside of my wardrobe, greeting me each time I go into the bedroom and wishing me well when I leave the room. I can almost hear them whisper.

Feeling Fruity?

I should have glorious shots of fruit for this entry but I don't. Sorry, the camera is at my pad.

I'm still getting silver and gold stars each day because i've stuck to my devised food plan. Today I went to a preview screening of Sunshine Cleaning, which is a good film by the way. I took my meal with me. Tuna fish and sweetcorn mayo sandwiches with a punnet of blueberries. What made the meal a feast wasn't the alfresco picnic for one by Urbis but was the sweetcorn and blueberry goodness crammed into today's diet.

I shopped yesterday for my weekly shop- a princely but respectable £20.00. I bought tons of really delicious looking fruit, a real glut of the stuff. I had cherries, melon, banana, strawberries, pineapple and blueberries. They gleamed like the brightest of jewels and my mouth is watering at the mere thought. It really is a delight that it is a bountiful harvest of sweetness.

In addition to the fruit I picked up a toastie pocket- a handy bag that fits neatly in the toaster and toasts the filling. This morning's breakfast was a melted cheese toastie even though I don't have a working oven. Thank god for modern inventions! The only difficulty is fitting my homemade bread slice x2 plus cheese in the toaster.

Last night my chap and I opened the liquer chocolates with excitement and a glass of water. I was ok as i had planned for a few chocolates on my plan. I'm not all about austerity you know. WE bit into the dark chocolate squares and found that the liquers really didn't mix well with the chocolate. Needless to say we tried one of each flavour and left the rest for when guests he doesn't much like come around. It's a real boon to say and really mean that I prefered the fruit over the chocolates. Sweets and chocolates jump out at you in the shop with their luxurious wrappings and bright colours- it's just a relief to say, " I don't need you anymore".

Collage

So far so good. At 9 pm last night I took myself out for a walk around the block. I was able to look at houses I'd only seen whilst driving past in the car. My knowledge of places was fragmentary, like a collage.

I walked for an hour and my trip was only blighted by not being able to fit between two metal posts on the entrance to the footpath. Felt immediately like a freak of nature. Saw a sign for a walk in the area with a group which I was going to attend next week, but I wont incase they want to take people that way and i get embarrassed because I can't go the same way as most people.

Managed to eat within what i'd allowed myself for the week and i'm really delighted that I have been successful after so long without results. Being Summer time helps that there are plenty of fresh sweet fruits to nibble on during my snack times.

Lapses in concentration

I keep getting lapses in concentration when i'm in the supermarket. What i mean by this is that i have this week bought a pack of my favourite amaretti morbidi biscuits (or morbidly obese biscuits as i call them to myself alone) and a large box of chocolate liqueurs.

Fortunately, as all is going well in my finer moments I have seen sense to give the damned things away to people who would really appreciate them. Parcelling them up for others is a sheer relief as they disappear out the door with their new owners.

My Thai meal was a great success, which was a lovely surprise to find a good restraunt so near to home. Ate way too much, but more importantly, it did not set off a chain of bad eating today because I ate all the prescribed food for today.

Collecting more twinkling stars on my calendar; I'm feeling virtuous. Now all i need to do is get my walking boots on in the rain, Brrrr...

Following Dietry Advice

My star chart is starting to pay dividends. I've had a series of days where i have booked down one star after another. This means that I have managed to stick to the dietician's plan for a few days continuously AND also shows that i've exercised. I plan on getting a star filled calendar soon.

I do feel better already as I'm feeling less aggrivated around food. Keeping an exceptionally personal food diary is helping reflect on negative thinking too. I'm amazed at how lonely I get during the day.

Bravery with others is growing, when i have said I can't eat that late and have stuck rigidly to my plan. One possible trip on the horizon is a surprise visit to a restaurant; something I would have loved previously but now fills me with dread somewhat.

Off to make a paper collage now. Have a good day...

Bluebell Hunt

I couldn't sleep last night because of toothache again. I rose at 6 as the sun was streaming through my bedroom window and I couldn't get back to the land of nod.

The vase of peonies sits on my dressing table top and looks glorious in the sunlight. I sip my banana, honey and oat smoothie and decide I was to go walking around my favourite venue.

The sun was warm and the bees were droning as they gathered pollen from the blackberry flowers. No bluebells as yet. The foxgloves were out the ferns unfolding and cowslip nodded its head against grey stone walls.

I was relatively undisturbed by others on my walk. Of course merry good mornings were exchanged with those who passed by. Then I saw them.

The last few bluebells against the thick stemmed grass with morning dew speared on its tips. Scattered nearby were the burdock flowers. I was lucky they had not faded so fast and was able to capture a few images before heading back to the road, where I paused to take a picture of a black and white cow poking it's head through the fence all curiosity.

Food Envy

My mum is dieting. She has joined a popular slimming club and is starting to shift weight. What I have noticed is her total preoccupation with food and what others are eating.

Take yesterday, she looked at my body and said, "Your stomach is getting bigger." Telling this to a friend she said I should have replied , "it's only seems that way because your world is getting smaller." Everything I eat is looked down upon. Food is categorised into acceptable and none acceptable foods, which is actually an anathema to me.

Having said that I did dive through a large bag of "silent mix" and feel guilt; a pack consisting of shrimp sweets , foamy bananas, flying saucers and marshmallows. I also got a rather nasty sugar head ache, proving to myself that bucket loads of sugar isn't good for anyone. Why does it take pain to realise this obviousness?

A Long Walk

Yesterday the rain fell but then it brightened sadly- time for a walk. I had been putting off my walks because of the abundant showers this week but as my beau and I have zero cash we decided to make a cheap afternoon of it and get some exercise.

It's amazing that having a map doesn't mean you won't get lost. In fact sometimes maps are impossibly hard to follow. I made a wrong call half way through the walk and we ended up going in a bloody circle. We then staggered up a hill that was then too unsafe with mood to go down and ended up in a god awful field with the two horses in the picture. We climbed through the fence in blind panic only to see the stile a little later on.

We had got hot and sweaty and were at the end of it gasping for a chilled drink. But as all long walks leave you feeling smug we collapsed on my furniture and did just that.

I felt bright enough to heat up dinner. See the traces of sauce across my gob. I may even go out walking one day soon. As an incentive I have added stars to my calender when i achieve two of my goals. My chap thinks this is hilarious and a very school Marmish way of going about things. I say that it's a great visual aid to my progress.

The Consultation

Back at the dietitian's today. Glum news I seemed to have put on nearly half a stone. She called it a lapse and said it's fine if I learn from it. So I have another three point action plan which involves getting up by 10 am. (sleep pattern you will alter), exercising on a Tuesday and Friday and to plan my meals for the day each morning for the day in front of me. They seem easy enough but I know i will struggle. Change is difficult.

Marched round the supermarket and bought healthy food for a few days plus booze. The bill came to a crippling £28.00 as I also managed to add in wine for Wednesday and a small bottle of rum. I've decided that my consumption of wine will be swapped for lower calorie spirits.

I also found courage in the blazing sunshine to put on my creaking walking books and hat. I walked an old route and was stunned by the beauty of bluebells and burdock flowers. The sun blazed and the surface of the water sparkled. It was glorious. I'm looking forward to Friday's walk. I'll get my camera again and it will be just like old times...