Okay so yesterday I was faced with the smaller frying pan- so I had two pancakes! At least i did stop there and had them with a classic combo of lemon and sugar.
Today I have been active. Getting up in the morning to actually eat breakfast felt really bloody stupid but I did it. Having a morning snack was also seemingly pointless when I breakfasted at 9.50am still i grabbed a couple of blueberries.
Lunch went by in a flash and I was taken round an art project that I was interesting in taking part in. Suddenly became active in the afternoon, swimming for 40 minutes and then the bana snack/reward was a delight.
By the time my evening meal came round I was famished. I'm still hungry now. I've had my evening snack- a low fat yogurt. I know I am not hungry but I feel it. I have imaginary hunger pains. How weird is that? Like an echo of what I can sometimes feel, and dread feeling.
It's not helped by four luxury cupcakes sitting downstairs in a lock and lock box awaiting friday, when I will eat one for my birthday. The very thought of trigger food puts me in a great frame of mind. My parents want us to go out for lunch but i'm panicing. Where can we go that serves lowish fat food? I could go italian. That might be just the thing...or not....
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Shrove Tuesday. Just the One pancake please.
It's my favourite holiday, pancake day; the day when I saw the dietician.
My last post was rather a miserable one I must say. I have been feeling the winter blues a bit for the last two weeks but yesterday saw me well.
Last week I managed a long walk (around the shops- 5 hours), a swim and two sessions of yoga. One yoga session had me floating on air the other I had over strained my neck. Ah well.
Back on the wonderful track today. Started off at the dieticians. Confessed that my weight had been maintained for a year with more exercise etc. She said I sounded like I was doing the right thing and was full of praise. She came up with a 6 point action plan for me to follow for the next 12 weeks, after listening really well to my lifestyle.
The three meals a day that I was aiming for and found difficult has been replaced with three meals and 3 snacks, not leaving more than 3 hours without eating. The trigger foods have to go! And i need to eat my meals at set times of the day. Food should be healthy and low fat (no surprise there). Plus I need to write rather than eat when I feel emotional...
So sensible advice. Now I have to follow through. Snacked before yoga, which worked well. Yoga found me doing the bridge pose up against the wall and having my hanging belly looming over me, which was quite daunting actually. All that excess weight tipped up. Ate a sandwich for lunch, went shopping then snacked on fruit and a cup of "rosie lee" before typing up my rather pleasant day.
Tonight I will eat one meal with pancake and then i will have a rather pleasant fruit supper before i collapse in bed feeling virtuous. Can days get more perfect than allowing myself one piece of fried batter, served with lemon and sugar.
My last post was rather a miserable one I must say. I have been feeling the winter blues a bit for the last two weeks but yesterday saw me well.
Last week I managed a long walk (around the shops- 5 hours), a swim and two sessions of yoga. One yoga session had me floating on air the other I had over strained my neck. Ah well.
Back on the wonderful track today. Started off at the dieticians. Confessed that my weight had been maintained for a year with more exercise etc. She said I sounded like I was doing the right thing and was full of praise. She came up with a 6 point action plan for me to follow for the next 12 weeks, after listening really well to my lifestyle.
The three meals a day that I was aiming for and found difficult has been replaced with three meals and 3 snacks, not leaving more than 3 hours without eating. The trigger foods have to go! And i need to eat my meals at set times of the day. Food should be healthy and low fat (no surprise there). Plus I need to write rather than eat when I feel emotional...
So sensible advice. Now I have to follow through. Snacked before yoga, which worked well. Yoga found me doing the bridge pose up against the wall and having my hanging belly looming over me, which was quite daunting actually. All that excess weight tipped up. Ate a sandwich for lunch, went shopping then snacked on fruit and a cup of "rosie lee" before typing up my rather pleasant day.
Tonight I will eat one meal with pancake and then i will have a rather pleasant fruit supper before i collapse in bed feeling virtuous. Can days get more perfect than allowing myself one piece of fried batter, served with lemon and sugar.
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Valentine's Day Blah
It's the time of year when birds traditionally choose their mate.
Total wash out. I hate this day. We are all meant to be happy. I feel like eating a house.
Total wash out. I hate this day. We are all meant to be happy. I feel like eating a house.
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Settling in
So i'm settling in to exercise this week. I've had one gruelling yoga session where she worked on our thighs through squats the whole hour!
did gym too; I dreaded the bloody stepper and its exhausting workout. Have developed a loathing for gym mirrors, they make the fat swim about as i use the recumbent bike, in yoga the do aid balance, but watching myself walk is not so attractive.
Spent today walking around Oxford and nearby shopping outlet. Made the mistake of buying and eating a pack of carluccio's biscuits. No dinner for me. Damn it. I hate this idea of not having your cake and eating it.
I have sore thighs from the long drive today. Will walk/swim or do yoga tomorrow. Why do I delight in punishing my body by eating crap? Why? Especially considering my fine pret a manger lunch dammnit.
did gym too; I dreaded the bloody stepper and its exhausting workout. Have developed a loathing for gym mirrors, they make the fat swim about as i use the recumbent bike, in yoga the do aid balance, but watching myself walk is not so attractive.
Spent today walking around Oxford and nearby shopping outlet. Made the mistake of buying and eating a pack of carluccio's biscuits. No dinner for me. Damn it. I hate this idea of not having your cake and eating it.
I have sore thighs from the long drive today. Will walk/swim or do yoga tomorrow. Why do I delight in punishing my body by eating crap? Why? Especially considering my fine pret a manger lunch dammnit.
Friday, 6 February 2009
Walk as the Moon Rises
Today I'm still full of a hacking cough and cold. Yet I felt it my duty to go off out and walk today, to reduce the slight stiffness I have from yesterday's hip flexor hell at yoga. I can't wait for next week when we will be doing strengthening our shoulders for headstands; brilliant.
The yoga teacher is fabulous. She included a back twist for those of us with a little tummy padding! That's practically half of me damn it! Two blokes were stood behind me for the yoga class, the thought that my arse is more on view than ever kills me. Oh for single sex classes!
So my walk with my camera was a slow but delightful one, I felt the air in my lungs and I was able to watch the moon move across the sky and caught the reflections in the water. Took a self portait, but managed to get an arty shot of my coat skirt and sweater instead. I'm taking great delight in being more active. Simple things like sitting down feels much stronger and my skirt band is definately looser. It's all going well.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Midnight Munchies and Yoga
Monday saw the first session of gym and swim. The session started off well, going out as i did into the snow. Then I entered the gym, seeing lots of agile youthful people in there surprised me so I headed quickly into the changing room. Alas! It was the MALE changing room. The gym instructor followed me with a " no, not in there" and then "nice try". I was just puzzled that the room was blue instead of red!
The gym its self was frankly dull, I had started feeling unwell with a cold so using the cv equipment was hard. Yes, I did disinfect the handles and benches after use... The stepper for 3 minutes near enough killed me though. The body reflecting mirrors behind me I looked forward to a pleasant swim in the pool.
The changing room was crowded. I changed into my costume and was just putting my things in the locker when one little girl said loudly to her sister. "that lady is fat". Well I laughed uproarously. Her mother snapped at her kids "who do you think your mother is, Kate Moss?" Then she forced both girls to apologise, but since they had told the truth I'm not sure they quite knew what for.
Feeling amused, but with a sense that I ought to work a bit harder I swam for 30 minutes before boredom again drove me out of the pool.
The previous night I was feeling sorry for myself in the cold, so I ate the chocolate in my fridge. All of it. Worked on 5 art projects till the early hours. So I was really relieved to eat a hot panini out of the house for dinner.
Today after an early night I woke feeling like i'd been run over by a steam engine. My nose and throat are sore. Still at 11 am I was in the yoga studio lying on a mat in the corpse position. I wanted to stay there flat all the session. Alas not! We ended up having to do partner work, which I was really anxious about because I knew no one. Everyone around me buddied up with someone older and slimmer than them. Which wasn't hard the class being full of pensioners.
Despite feeling lousy I managed to get to a retail outlet and bought a new yoga outfit(grey velour top and bottom with embroidered detail) for a fiver. Talk about bargains....
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Some Highs Some Lows
Highs: I have kept to my planned exercise regime for one week. I went walking round a different reservoir on Saturday, despite the prevailing chilly wind. It felt good to be out in the open watching the boats sail on the water. I still love the cammeraderie of everyone who says "Hello flower" to me as we smile and pass by on muddy tracks. I love everything about the walk. Seeing the dogs swim in the water, the horses in their stable. I also managed to window shop for 5 hours the other day, without eating wildly.
At a loose end this afternoon I decided to go for a quick swim. I know the pool is surrounded by kids dive bombing each other, but it reminds me of when I learnt to swim. There's an air of excitement about being in the water and i dont have to get annoyed at some old dear getting in my lane space every other lap.
Lows: I have been foolish and I bought cheap chocolate from ikea. It's glaring at me in the fridge. I know I shouldn't see some food as good or bad but I can't help it. We attatch moral weight to our food. However, my days of endless bingeing have subsided. Some days i eat large meals and the meal doesn't always stop as abruptly as it should.
My house has sold. This did not fill me with sadness, the fact that there was no capital left in the property and I actually have to contribute to funds is frankly comical; someone has bought my house for a ridiculously low price whilst I get slammed. I've buried my emotions very low about this issue so I have to be on my guard not to eat my emotions.
I have planned a different week of activities for the comming week, and i have to get some work sorted out in the local area, along with dealing with financial implications of the house sale. My appointment for the dietician has come through. Life is moving ahead, even if there are lows.
At a loose end this afternoon I decided to go for a quick swim. I know the pool is surrounded by kids dive bombing each other, but it reminds me of when I learnt to swim. There's an air of excitement about being in the water and i dont have to get annoyed at some old dear getting in my lane space every other lap.
Lows: I have been foolish and I bought cheap chocolate from ikea. It's glaring at me in the fridge. I know I shouldn't see some food as good or bad but I can't help it. We attatch moral weight to our food. However, my days of endless bingeing have subsided. Some days i eat large meals and the meal doesn't always stop as abruptly as it should.
My house has sold. This did not fill me with sadness, the fact that there was no capital left in the property and I actually have to contribute to funds is frankly comical; someone has bought my house for a ridiculously low price whilst I get slammed. I've buried my emotions very low about this issue so I have to be on my guard not to eat my emotions.
I have planned a different week of activities for the comming week, and i have to get some work sorted out in the local area, along with dealing with financial implications of the house sale. My appointment for the dietician has come through. Life is moving ahead, even if there are lows.
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