A few sunny hours.

" Record only the sunny hours"

The sun made a fragile appearance yesterday, albeit briefly. Today it is glowing with Summer but I'm stuck indoors waiting for my car to be fixed.

The car like me has an issue with its controls. In the car's case it's the cooling fan that's stopped working. For 6 weeks I have been truly ingenious at avoiding overheating the engine and getting stuck in traffic. Methods I have resorted to are turning on the heater in full during warm days to take heat away from the engine and driving to the other side of the city to avoid the jams. I have become crafty.

This craftiness has spilled out elsewhere in other areas of my life now that I'm not so obsessed with stuffing my face. I am starting to have energy to do more things and more things at once, which i can only attribute to weight loss. However, I did return with the honey to Ikea for my usual meatballfest.

Ikea used to name all their furniture after Swedish placenames but they have been branching out into names. This made me laugh hysterically at the side table called Dave and the roman blinds named Iris. It seems I am easily amused. We also managed to bag a bargain of the century a plastic toilet brush and holder for 10p!

I'm watching my food intake a bit more carefully today to make up for the meatballs and the cider of Wednesday night. Plus it's time I went walking again. I have the weather and my blister has heeled. I am getting urges to walk further afield though.

Scale Games

"However long the night, the dawn will break"

-African proverb- Hausa Tribe

I never thought I would say this but I'm actually enjoying getting on the scales. A few months ago I banished them altogether claiming that there were other ways to recognise weight loss, such as loose clothes, being able to paint your toenails with ease and so on. However, these measures take too long for someone like me who prefers near instant gratification.

Hence the change. Plus I have a lovely new scale game. I record my weight in pounds to begin with as this records more numbers being dropped off than killograms in my warped head. I only take the lowest weight it registers for me if i'm a pound or so heavier than another weigh in i don't worry i just repeat the lower weight under my breath. I always weigh myself in the morning before I've actually eaten anything. Nor am i recording weekly weigh losses. In my head it seems a way to beat yourself up if you loose one pound less one week.

Newsflash: My weight has dropped to 311lbs today. I'm getting rather excited as one day soon i'll be under the cavernous 300lb mark. Being on the scales makes me accountable; I can't slacken off.

What wharped scale games do you play?

Opportunity

"Opportunities come but do not linger"

-Nepalese

I got chatted up today. I closed my front door and headed past the dusty Irish builder who was sitting on a nearby palette having a drink. He asked me how it was going and within two minutes had assertained I live alone but that I do have a boyfriend. It then hit me as I got into my car that he was chatting me up. That or he was casing the joint for a heist.

Of course I was pleasantly delighted as these things happen so rarely but at the same time I had a moment of fear. Would this be what it was like when I was conventionally more attractive to the opposite sex? It has been a saving grace at times not to be noticed by anyone, cosy and safe.

I've finally attatched the chap's picture of myself at Wagamamas. It rather disappointingly does not show me eating noodles with chopsticks and a wooden spoon large enough to be an oar but I do look happy which, reflects my general state of being at the minute. Good job he didn't take a shot of me last night when he whooped my ass at trivial pursuits where I got ALL the American literature questions wrong. Talk about being a bitter loser...

Beautiful things

"A beautiful thing is never perfect"

-Egyptian

Having bought extra cheap shopping for months I decided I would have a luxury shopping trip today. I journeyed miles to my nearest Waitrose.

Waitrose is my favourite supermarket in England for many reasons. It's stocks are more varied than most other supermarkets. For many people it is synonimous with luxury. Sadly my nearest one is in Cheadle Hulme. I decided that I would only buy mostly things that I can't get in other supermarkets. I came home with a cornucopia of goodies-all edible.

The pictures show the dessert gooseberries i bought, the plump mejool dates and a cherry and geranium buttercream cupcake. Yes, cupcake. I'm shifting my feet uncomfortably here as I want to say that my food plans are a shining beacon of pure good health. On the other hand i'm thinking what the hell it's only one small cake as part of a much more nutricious food plan than I was eating previously. No food should be good or bad is how I want to think. I will ensure I don't eat a humongous dinner and will walk tomorrow. I haven't even eaten it yet and I'm feeling guilt.

The plan is to paint and sketch the two cupcakes and to then take them round to the honey tonight. I don't really want the cake part I just actually want to try the buttercream because one is geranium flavoured and the other lavender flavoured. I'm a sucker for the unusual. A quarter of a cupcake should suffice with a great ethiopian filter coffee. There I won't eat a full one, my chap can have most of them. Problem solved.

I've solved another problem today. My jeans kept falling down. I was forever hiking them up in high streets. I found at the bottom of my top drawer a belt which is just large enough to buckle up if i breathe in. Tomorrow see me reinvent the wheel.

Patience

"Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet"

-French Proverb

Today was mostly about routine things. I let the bread bake in the bread maker, pushed the coffee table to one side so I could do yoga on the lounge rug and prepared a simple dinner. I also did some writing and finished Jennette Fulda's weight loss biography "Half-assed" which I thought was fantastic.

As well as packing up the bottles for recycling in a fit of energy I packaged up all the clothes from my wardrobe that I will never wear. It was a delight to purge stuff; I felt emotionally lighter doing it! I even turfed out four scarves from my neckwear collection which is so large it would keep a small city covered. I'm fighting packrat tendancies.

Now I have four items of clothing still in the wardrobe which are meant to be my size but are too small for me to fit into. I have never worn them. I tried them on today from curiosity. The trousers were a lot less gaping in the zip department than when I tried them last. A fabulous grey and red top fitted so much better- it slipped over my hips today. All I need is a little patience.

Cupcake Heaven

"Put off for one day and ten days will pass by"

- Korean

The last Hershey bar is sitting in my fridge. I had a battle with it this evening. I pulled it out of the refrigerator thinking I'd eat it after my filling main meal and we tussled for a few moments. After repeating the mantra " I will not be controlled by a chocolate bar" I shoved it in the compartment and shut the door and then left the flat for a few hours. Now I don't crave it at all.

I haven't succumbed to cupcakes in their 3d form, but I thought I'd have my cake and wear it. More cupcake socks. There's something charming about the shape that makes me melt at their cuteness. I need help clearly! I have only the photograph of the socks and me piddling about with my camera in the bathroom, showing off my new moose pyjamas as the chap has yet to send me the photo of Thursday's event. (As a surprise he took me to the centre of Manchester for a trip round a discount music shop(Fopp) and topped it off with a visit to a fab noodle bar, where I was in noodle heaven for about an hour. Photo to follow in due course.

The weather was actually summery today so I thought to explore the footpaths of the neighbouring village. Found a path that took me to another village over the river. I was charmed. Not so charmed on the way home as my blister developed. Anyone know how to avoid blisters in well worn walking boots?

Shrinking...

"If you have nothing to lose, you can try everything"

-Yiddish

It's shrinking. Yes! My cookies and cream Hershey bar that I ate for breakfast alongside my day old sushi. Sighs.

I put the chocolate in my shopping basket yesterday, assured that I would have the strength to avoid them. I'm sure when I purchased them if you'd have asked me I'd have said I wasn't going to eat the bars. If its a consolation to you they didn't actually taste all that wonderful. I'd have much preferred a Thornton's truffle with cream and chocolate as my small treat.

Chocolate is my one last vice that I have refused to get rid of. I do eat it moderately but I have to be much more careful. I have done some reflecting on why I'm sneaking in little pieces of poor nutrition. It's not about rebelling against stringent measures because I'm actually quite liberal with my menus. I am starting to eat with my emotions a little bit again, due to the change of scenery and my daily routine.

It's a "My chap" night tonight. I have planned for a little rum and diet coke and let's see how the night progresses. Bought a mini convection oven on Monday, as my oven hasn't worked since i moved in over a year ago. I am going to reheat something in the oven for him tonight. I haven't tested it out on my own in case the thing is faulty. I have visions of the oven catching fire and burning down my flat and its environs. Wish me luck with the great reheat!

"Make Haste slowly"

-Suetonius.

I've put up a picture of my mother when she was about my age as well as a photo of me in Chester as contrast. It's odd because my mother always thought she was really fat when she was younger but I think she looks great here. It's sort of aspirational too because I really do want to sit on a warm beach in a bikini for at least 10 minutes instead of making sure I only have my upper body photographed.

There are loads of reasons why I want to loose weight, fitting into a bikini is one of them alongside being able to do yoga positions correctly without my belly getting in the way. Perhaps I will blog at length about my motivation in more depth another day.

Yesterday I got a surprise telephone call from the honey. He was outside my flat. I immediately drove over to see him to be greeted with some crimson roses and a warm smile. I don't usually see the fellow on Sundays so it was a special treat. However I didn't have food in the flat so I got extravagantly hungry. When he left I came to my folk's place and ate wildly. I didn't eat more than my modest portions but i was in a hurry to eat. I also consumed a bag of crisps which I vowed never to eat again. I will have to watch that nasty little fried potato chip habit.

Today I went out to the shops with mum. We trawled round for ages and i was getting into overly hungry phase by 2.15 because we hadn't had lunch. My stomach is expecting food every 2/3 hours now and when it doesn't get it there are tempests. So doing well still, but those little gremlins are resurfacing.

Porridge

"It's the little things that count"

Oats are marvellous things. I had 50g of the demons with 300ml of water some salt and 2 tsps of sugar this morning and I still feel full of energy. I like to accompany the bowl with a cup of hot chocolate so i have a glut of protein for the day.

I thought i'd research oats this morning on wiki but i fell asleep over how much soluable fibre they contain, words like milling and how they grow in the north because of the cooler temperatures.

My chap likes his porridge with honey and pine nuts. I like mine a little sweet and salty. In scandanavia they sometimes add butter or raisins or honey or lingonberry jam or cloudberry jam or apple sauce. In Vermont they often add maple syrup and sometimes add a little vanilla ice cream. How do you eat yours? Please don't say scattered...

Easing the hips.

"One Day in Perfect Health is much"

-Arabic

My parents are back and i'm staying here just a few more days. There's a sense of emotional chaos now they are here. Even the cats are jumpy and out of their usual routine. I find it a mixed blessing to be at my folk's house for a while; on the one hand it's comforting and on the other it's an emotional tightrope.

Followed through the yoga for the lower body, which involved a lot of hip swaying and rotating. It's really wonderful to have a range of yoga instructors, with their own favourite little routines and exercises. Felt loose in the hips after the dvd and ready to climb mountains.

Instead i went on a walk of a reservoir I don't often walk around. I was flabbergasted at the changes on one path. They'd knocked down the stable block you have to walk through, which was one of the walk's highlights. The horses are fine; they have a lovely new pine stable block further up the hill. Walked up the slight hills without being too much out of puff. Splashed through the mud from the constant showers we have been having this week.

Another bonus was that some vandals had poured glue down the pay and display machines so they were out of use! I am feeling totally healthy today. Full energy:full happiness.

New Day

"New day, new fate"

-Bulgarian

I'm smiling at my angry post of last night today. Today is a delicious new unit of my life. I got up I had my cereal and milk then I followed a 40 minute yoga dvd and now I feel absolutely fantastic. What a difference a few hours makes!

Yesterday I bought 3 yoga dvds for a fiver- quite a bargain if you ask me. The beginner's yoga i thought would be slow and simple but it wasn't a doddle. It made me work out and had some intense deep spine work.

My parents come home today and I have to tidy up the house, which is looking a little worst for wear at the momment. There's nothing drastic but it needs a sorting out. I suppose I ought to get on with it instead of faffing about here on the pc! Have a great day everyone...

Architect

"People are architects of their own fortune"

-Spanish

Damn and blast it I am annoyed at myself for eating way too much tonight. On the way home from Pendle witch country my chap and I decided to get a chinese take out. The main cause of this stupidity? My lack of foreward planning for the day. I did order boiled rice and i did order chicken with vegetables. But what the hell inspired me to order crispy seaweed and prawn crackers too?

My father always used to say that my eyes were bigger than my belly. I'm trying not to be harsh on myself. Afterall I managed to avoid the second piece of pie and got the honey to take the cream away with him. There is a lesson to be learnt here. I do not need to eat everything; Modest portions are everything.

Gather with two

Scatter with one hand; gather with two

-Welsh

Smells of cooking pervade my parent's house. I have just baked a whinberry pie(moorland bilberry for all those of you not familiar with this dialect word.)It's sitting on the counter top oozing purple juices of sweet berriness. Fear not! I am not going to eat the damned thing but feed it to the honey tonight along with chantilly cream. There's a real delight at providing free food for others.

Today I climbed THE hill and I picked whimberries on the way down. Afterall the birds delight in the small pleasures, why not us? It was back aching work but i think the results are worth it when the chap eats the local delicacy.

It was windy and deliciously sunny at the top of the hill and I took pleasure in sweating a lot. At the bottom i took off my boots and my hiking socks were sodden, my fingers stained with violet juice.

Two heads in a bowl.

Two heads in a bowl this morning, neither of them mine. The fiendish kits were forgetting social space in order to guzzle down food. It was reminiscent of the way I used to eat.

I have a celebration today. It has been one whole month since I've stuck to my new food plan. Thirty days of eating to plan and not one day of starvation or scarfing everything in site. To celebrate I bought a small ceramic pendant with a small bird on the front, whilst I walked round Manchester hoisting my jeans up. Change takes 21 days to acclimatise so they say but I still found myself surprised with myself as I ate an advocado pear as an entree to tonight's fish finger creation! Small joys are what count.

I gave in to my desires not to buy a magazine this month and bought a yoga magazine; then tried out all the suggested moves with some success. I did not give in to the appropriately lilac coloured whipped buttercream topping of a cupcake seen in a food hall. I didn't want to eat it as I wasn't hungry. I admired its glorious beauty and moved on. Another victory to me...

Walking on the Right Path

The pleasures of walking are multiple. Take today's hourly walk as an example. I took my camera with me to take many shots of the flora and fauna. I took 3 measly photos, none of which are good enough to grace any album. But the pleasure of today's walk was the little puppy "Jack" who jumped up against my skirt and took a bite out of the end of it and would not let go. Worry not my skirt was intact on the ride home. Then there was the anonymous big dog who jumped out of the water with a stick and ran past me so fast that he covered me in water as he ran. Thirdly there was the black spaniel who ran between his boy owner and boy's mum at a terrific pelt. My point? Walks develop themes of their own. You start to notice different things even on the same walk.

This past week has been a bit chaotic in terms of eating out and spending, but I don't regret the wonderful day I had in Chester(see two photos of me above lurking in doorways.) I am reigning in meals out. I keep buying clothes which although they are cute and a bargain will not fit soon.

Bending slightly.

Yesterday I received two pizza fliers through the door. Having never thought of the hut I immediately craved pizza and some starter. I wanted to call last night as I was hungry but I held off.

I promised myself for lunch I could have a personal pizza, which is exactly what I did. I drove to a shopping park, ate chicken strips and a personal pizza and half way through the pizza i was feeling full, by three slices I was stuffed. This is the point where I asked the waitress to box the last piece up. Had I been more mindful I would have got them to dispose of the last piece. I am not a dustbin. I am NOT a dustbin.

There is hardly any guilt associated with my lunch just the knowledge that I don't need that starter... or the left over slice.

Feeling a bit off kilter as i haven't got my full week's plan in place.

I have discovered a great site and I encourage anyone who hasn't been there to give it a whirl. It is http://www.sparkpeople.com. It's a tracker's paradise and FREE...

Day Tripiin'

I have a smile on my face. I am wearing a dress I bought in the sales and I am drinking lime and water.

I've been venturing out again. This time to the historic city of Chester. We walked round the city walls and shopped a little. Revelled in luxury as I bought some truffle oil to cook with my rather plain and dull tomato sauce. The stuff is devine! Both the honey and I were very taken with it.

Timing my food to another person for the day is really hard. I don't want to eat when he does he doesn't feel hungry when i do, so we adjust. After Chester we called into pret a manger for a sandwich. He was able to have the long baguette, whilst the half a sandwich did me nicely. I'm glad I am not comprimising my plan for someone else's stomach.

Dental Treatment

My lips are numb as i type, from that source of all joy the dental injection. Got up extra early to have a root canal treatment. It wasn't as bad as I expected and the dentist was lovely as usual. He is full of positivity for me when all I did was lie there with my mouth open.

Bumped into my uncle at the dentist and gave him a lift home where he gave me some sweet pea cuttings to take home. They smell devine.

Food wise I have just downed a glass of banana smoothie as i haven't dared eat soup yet as i wont be able to feel its temperature. I think I will go window shopping to get some exercise today. A walk up and down the shopping centre will get me out of my exercise avoidance.

Only the Lonely.

The home shopping channels have been virtually my only company these past two days and I'm starting to get cabin fever here at my folk's house. Please add lots of sympathy here...

Did venture out briefly to town briefly and to a cheap supermarket to get some basics. My shopping basket glows with good health. It's so easy to shop when you ignore the crisp, chocolate, cereal and bakery isles. I did think about getting the chap some biscuits to go with his coffee but then again why put temptation in my way? So I didn't, plus I thought it would be good for him too. Have you seen what strange stuff they put in some biscuits? I love watching people lingering over the chocolate with guilt. They never do that over red peppers.

My walk around town was hardly cardiovascular but the rain is chucking it down at the minute so I'm antsy and indoors. More photos and a walk soon I swear...

That shrinking feeling

Pulling up my jeans today was a delight. They felt roomier than usual, the zip was under less pressure and there was no tightness at the waist.

I am putting off exercise today until tomorrow, unsure why. I also have to write a food plan which uses up ingredients from my parent's larder, which is harder than it sounds; man cannot live on baked beans alone!

Thunderbolt hunger

I woke up this morning hungry. I also dreamt about eating fish and chips, whereas in previous dreams these past few weeks I have refused junk.

I have to look for a cause- not enough to eat at my evening meal last night. It's quite scary how series of meals in the past effect the present. Until lunch time I shall sit out this strong hunger by distraction.

My folks are away for a while so I'm cat sitting at their house for a few days, but I can't quite get comfortable here and as a result I am on edge.

The Delights of the Dales

Yesterday was the warmest day of the year thus far and i have the red skin to prove it.

My honey and I drove out to the bottom of the dales to take in the sights. Picniced in a charming field only to discover later that there was a delightful bull with big horns wondering about! I stuck to my savoury sandwiches and sushi whilst the lad tucked into lemon meringue pie. He offered me half but I declined, after all i've eaten way too much pie in the past. We took in the atmosphere and the peace of the place at the same time as watching folks swim in a river with their heads bobbing with the ducks. Also walked up and down lanes and sweated an awful lot.

On the way home stopped off at a country pub and drank a chilled glass of diet coke, whilst the honey had a pint of golden hues. Found we were totally deserted around old ruins and got all philosophical about the monks and their life pre-reformation.

Admired the rolling hills and scaled a castle keep, up too many steps and came home exhausted. It was a day well spent. It was great to be awarded two stars for the day.

In for a dip

The weather yesterday was muggy, it rained once or twice too. I decided that it had been a while since I had worked my full body so took myself off for a dip in the pool.

I don't understand other women's reticence to go swimming because once you are in the water no one actually looks at you unless you splash rather too much. I think it's easier for me because I don't have my glasses on and can't even imagine people looking at me. After all I can't control other people's thoughts. What's the worst they can do, think "my God that lady is fat, what is she doing in a bathing suit?". Anyone hestitant to swim because of imagined reactions of others get out there- swim!

I managed 25 lengths before I got bored, despite actually overtaking a few folks.

Today i'm going to do some more art. I have a delicious looking pasta salad with me for lunch and the ripest juiciest peach on the planet. I will look a sight with caper and peach juice dribbled down my chin but I dont care frankly. Tonight I will drink rum, moderately, with my fella and listen to music til dawn. Bliss!