The Regime Commences

So I was inducted into the ways of the gym on Tuesday.

The fitness instructor was tiny I must have seemed like an extra large lump to him. The programme had already been worked out by the chap I saw last week.

He had my cv work done so that I would not get bored. So it was 5-10 minutes on the treadmill 3-6 on bike 3 minutes on the stepper 5 mins on the cross trainer. Then on to my gym work out which consisted of three machines- all for the legs.

I know the idea is to start lightly so that you don't over train, but I am aghast at how low the weights start and how little i need to use each cv machine. I told the trainer this and he said stick with it 6 weeks until my review meeting. Fair enough. Still I left the gym with a healthy red faced glow, which goes to show that exercise makes one more beautiful.


Wednesday saw me at a cafe drinking cafe latte. Sounds decadent doesn't it? However, 30 minutes later I was in the water fighting for lane space amongst all the pensioners who swim there. Post swim I went into the changing rooms to find a woman stripped naked scrubbing her body free of chlorine. I am amazed at people who have no self consciousness.

Tonight you would have found me jamming not one but two lockers up with a pound coin in each. I wondered what the hell was going on, until i saw the sign the lockers accept 50p only. Damn it to hell! Again another woman had stripped off and was revealing her breasts to all. In the end I was a late comer to the yoga class.

I have forgotten how relaxing yoga is, and how i cant do some of the moves! The relaxation part is truly wonderful and My body was thoroughly worked.

Arrived at my parent's house to find them having eaten dinner without me, even though they knew i'd be stopping by. Grabbed humous and falafel on toast and followed it with an indulgent jam pudding. I know I'm not eating desserts normally but I was worried I wouldnt meet my food intake for the day. Why I worry so much I really do not know. I guess i'll have to fit another long walk in tomorrow or Saturday.

Sane Sunday

After I went out on Saturday I set out again. This time I shopped right.

I bought;

1 pair of trainers size 7
1 pink yoga mat
1 yoga magazine
1 weight loss magazine pack containing pedometre, rope, dvd, book and wallchart.
1 punnet of blueberries
1 pineapple
1 yogurt drink


I went to bed at 4 am feeling smug and content. Needless to say I woke up late and avoided exercise. I do not wish to suck at losing weight.

Today has been glorious, met with friends, went for a walk. So far I have not snacked on any unnecessary food. Days like these are blessed. It is about one day at a time.

Yes, the yoga mat does mean i'm going to attend a class. Pop in next week to see how I fare at the beginning of the 12 week exercise programme.

Why O Why!

Only yesterday I jumped off the scales at my health referral and said yipee to a 3kg weight loss since i was officially weighed in that building. The disgusting truth is I have a belly topped full of junk. A description of the foods I've gorged on will not be given any more space here.

The stomach feels bloated, I feel sluggish and full of guilt. My desire is to vommit, then it wouldn't count; but the health risks from being sick really are not worth it.

Why did I feel the need to go the all night supermarket at 12am? Why did I feel that I was out of sight from cashiers that I could fill my basket with junk? I stopped myself buying chocolate mousse...big deal! I also stopped myself spending money on a weight loss pack with pedometre, video, rope and a diet magazine.

The solution? Share it through writing, accept the fact that bingeing makes me feel disgusting and move on. I have committed myself to a walk/exercise of some sort when i wake up. This is definately pick myself up time.

Fitness For Exercise Meeting

Getting up this morning was tough. I have been glued to my pc yet again for another week so 5 hours sleep was a bind. Never mind at least i made my appointment.

The long awaited referral finally took place today. It was an hours worth of blood pressure measuring, being weighed (on scales where i nearly went round the pair of scales- totally humiliating), having hip and waist measured, peak flow meassured and having filled in about 50 pieces of paper with suitable targets.

The verdict? I am fit for exercise. This means i must continue with my walks and swimming sessions. But we add in a gym induction and some exercise classes- possibly yoga or aqua aerobics. So Tuesday I report to the leisure centre for my hour long induction to use the gym equiptment at a reduced cost.

Sounds marvellous except I found £5.00 in my purse and as i was hungry had a stop at Mc Donalds for breakfast on my way to the sodding referal! I cannot do this. When will I learn? Lack of preperation is killing me. So far today's diet has been sausage and egg mcmuffins, milk, hot chocolate and two slices of toast. Sighs. Fruit and veg where are you? Still no dates for the dietician.

The post Christmas guzzle has continued in fits and starts. I need to drag myself away from people and go and do the things that are hard. There are no excuses. Self love. Self love. Self love.

Struggling

Struggling not to eat. I talked to friends this morning regarding my weight etc. I was doing so well with the restrained eating until this after noon. I really have to learn to pace myself. I was so hungry at lunch time I was shaking with hunger. This had an impact at 4 pm which had me looking for a non nutricious snack.

Love Blooms

I've been stuck on my pc practically 24-7.I've fallen for an online guy, it was inevitable; the cool thing is he really likes me in return. It's been a delight.

At the same time i've been panicing like mad about my weight and attractiveness issues. Of course he's seen this blog but i still get the final edit with pictures, so any I really dislike get the chop its inevitable.

My weight is held around my belly largely, an area which i do not display, even on this site, its an area I am traditionally uncomfortable with. All women have area of their body they hate and this is certainly my bet noir. Oh for a slight dome of flesh!

Of course i've told him the figures, but i dont look that hefty in my photos. Take for instance tonights photo session. You would have no concept about my body size. Thankfully he has accepted me for who i am. What a blessing!


Being glued to the net does mean that I haven't been out walking. So in a fit of guilt yesterday I went for a swim. I can't say it was wonderful. I listened to the other ladies gossip as i swam for an hour but i did feel virtuous.

I am longing for my gym sessions to start locally. Not long to wait now...

Moderation Bites

I'm back to moderate meals a day and i feel relieved. I have lost a couple more pounds, meaning i've lost 10lbs since i put up the weight tracker.

I used to be convinced that weight was attatched to attractiveness, and perhaps in some ways it is as a sign of how fertile a woman is. However, a few things have happened recently to make me reassess myself. Total acceptance by a loved one is the most amazing thing ever. Did you know for instance i have a great smile? I'm starting to realise it slowly. Thankyou JCW!

I put up the poorly lit picture of my new cashmere gloves (a bargain from Tk Maxx) as my flat is decidedly chilly and i needed gloves to be comfortable. I need to take precautions about myself this year i need to do what feels right and comfortable, even if the decision not to eat dessert except at restaurants hurts. I need my body to be as healthy as it can be.

Off Track Guzzling

The new year has been incredibly hard to avoid guzzling the excess of chocolates that are abundant in the house. There are chocolates set out in pretty dishes at my parent's house. Does anyone call apart from me? NO! I have skimped on fruit of late and have gone in search of sweet delights. Oh for the easy days of December.

I have been sat around in the house like an oaf for the past week. I have been very sociable on the net but days of not exercising are paying their toll.Meeting tons of very wonderful people who look beyond the fat- it's so refreshing. I went out to the shops yesterday for the first time in ages and the fresh air was good.

Ravishingly hungry I treated myself to a meal whilst out- pizza salad and tirimasu. It was a delight.Still i like the joy of dining alone looking like i've been stood up. But it was a signal to my body that the snacking has to stop at some point. Its incredible how a handful of chocolate can cause such an addictive stirring of feelings.

Scanned this years ininspiring collection of diet books and bought a half price diary instead.

Welcome to the New Year

Ok we all over indulge. A 5 course meal was not necessary but damn it felt indulgent. Woke up this morning with my belly still full of cheese. Ate clementines and felt slightly purer.

I just want to wish my fellow travellers on life's crazy journey a very Happy and prosperous New Year, thanks for your support and your love...