Photographic Playmate

I 've been playing with my old new best friend- my camera. I was having such fun in town taking shots of shops in my neighbourhood, my feet, the leaves etc. I wasn't even bothered that the tea shop had closed hours before and that i had to wait ages sat on a seat for the cinema society to open its doors.

Life is definately calming down. A friend of mine sent a text today saying do you realise you shine and glow when you eat right. It's probably true. I'm feeling stronger each day, although the hills have quite done me in today. I would go walking tomorrow but i've fallen over again! and hurt my knee again.

All feels well

Having another great day. The sun is shining at last, I am coordinating my clothesand my hair looks neat for once.I am touched by the contact of others today. I am so greatful for my circle of great friends. Yes i'm counting my blessings.

I have an application form to join a writing group. so I am more than excited. I think a walk is due. Perhaps tomorrow morning.

A few scrummy things

I've stopped the constant whirl for food yesterday. For how long I don't know. Saturday was all about doughnuts and junk and getting drunk on rose wine, and yes I felt great.

Sunday was about re energising and getting healthy. I slept an awfully long time and had the most vivid and detailed dreams.

Today I feel right, more peaceful more myself. My father was a star and varnished my door today and this afternoon a book of poetry came through the post for me sent by a friend. So i'm feeling totally loved up.

I have picked up some beautiful things today, all bought at discount prices. Fresh roses the colour of gold with a delightful curl to the petal, a green leather note book for my artistic moments and the practical but delightfully scented rose and blackberry soap. All totally hedonistic and for me. You damned consumer you scream. Think what disaster could have befallen me if i'd have bought crisps or chocolate? I want to take delight in small luxuries, like well made soap. It's about living life now beautifully.

Who was i kidding?

I'm in the middle of a desire for junk food. I've already munched my way through loads of stuff. I'll call it stuff for want of another name, food being an unfair description. My stomach feels swollen and discontented, my tongue wants sugar and carbohydrates and i have a monster headache and an incredible thirst for fizzy drinks.

Despite my three mile walk yesterday I haven't settled in to a pattern of normal eating. I've tried distracting my mind with the radio, and with using the email at the library, but im wanting something rather sweet and gooey. Tiramisu perhaps or cheesecake. This madness has to stop. But how?

"Normal" Eating

I'm back eating what I would describe as "normal". After a really difficult time, and a binge of mamouth proportions. The only thing I can think of is the connection between my parents being away and my unsteady emotions which ensue. Isn't that odd?

I really did feel like a total food junky on Monday night. Addiction is the only name I can give it. It feels manageable today, but who knows what will happen?

Good Times

Woke up this morning feeling refreshed from a good sleep. Today is the day i've been looking forward to as it is the release date of the album, Before the Ruin by Drever/McClusker/Woomble. Deciding to forgo a little electricity and some food I was able to have the album in my hand by 10 o'clock. And what a lovely flavourful album it is.

Breakfast and lunch have been calm affairs. Supported by my friends and guitar music I have eased my woes. Still raining. I may have to go for a swim and be over taken by vile old ladies.

Bad times

Simple pleasures that make me slip into complacency abound; I'm struggling with dairy products. Bring back the soya!

Went to bed last night in a complete food funk. My head felt really out of control and I swear my face was swollen...

Bingeing Blues

There's been no blog all week, not because of a lack of time but a lack of a desire to face up to reality. Bit by bit eating has become a binge again. Nothing drastic but certainly out of control. I don't understand myself or the way I eat. I didn't plan well, it seems that I settled for second best again, let things slip.

I'm loving being in my house, the pace is relaxing and rewarding. I have time to really reflect and be creative. Yet I feel like an isolated old crone at the minute as i've been at my parent's place. The reason is a lack of people to interact with in the flesh, my parents being away. My amazing net friends have been brilliant but this week I've felt very lonely in their company despite large groups. I guess because my ego wants indulging and i've skimped on my medication too.

I've had issues with self worth to address this week. My emotional brain has dictated
If i am wanted then im worthy. No one wants me therefore I am not worthy. It's a real effort when emotionally you feel blah to take good care of yourself as you are always thinking it would be nice to be taken care of by someone else. I'm a firm believer in self care but the process is so difficult this week.

How to draw something constructive from what I say? It's hard. And I know that I will wake up one day and the pieces fit back into place. I'll sit this one out, cranking up the music and watching the world for a while; a little hurting isn't really that bad a thing.

Crunchie Craze

I've just returned from the old fashioned sweet shop clutching bags of sugar infused delights. This does not bode well.

Saturday night was a disaster in terms of food. I manage to somehow eat 5 crunchie bars and 3 packs of crisps in one sitting instead of real food. Sugar comb is sweet and tasty but does not fill a hungry stomach. Again it's the lack of exercise and balance that sends me over the edge.I've had to forget the junk food binge. I can't worry about one night's loss of control. Don't worry for me readers I've had two good days of decent meals. I confess I'm missing my parent's cooking now they are friending it up in Portugal.

Everyone I know who is slightly portly is on a diet or health kick at the minute. I want to scream Diets do not work at them in loud scary voices but this does not work. What does work, dear Stella? Don't ask me i'm only on my own personal battle you must seek your own path...

I am seeing sense though and have bought three more flowers to decorate my humble abode with. There's nothing more satisfying that a well stocked larder, electricity on the meter, a bag of Tom Thumb drops and a table loaded down with pretty flowers.

The weather is clearing. I feel a walk coming on tomorrow if all goes well. Joy oh joys and £8.00 left in my purse. Can life get any better?

In which I prepare for bad weather

Ok so the weather was terrible last night. Torrential rain again. I slept badly being woken at 6 am by some bugger going to the bottle bank. Why they cant sleep in for 15 minutes is beyond me; it's Saturday for Pete's Sake.

I decided that today I would stay with my folk's cats overnight. I prepared well. I put on my warm grey woolly and headed here. (See photo above.) It has a turtleneck which will hide a cast of thousands in. As I was driving down to here I realise how warm the day was. The sun was shining and all water was drying up. I've been foiled by the weather again. I passed walkers in t shirts. Almost passed out at my parents due to the heat, before I changed into a top I had at my parents'.

I'm eating rather odd meals. An odd mix of ingredients from the fridge and cupboard. Hopefully this will rectify itself when I do the weekly shop next Monday. At six this morning I had a pancake and maple syrup and then went back to bed with Spanish. No not some hot blooded latino type but a stick of liquorice!

More Rain

This place is beginning to have a wet season. All in place of our summer. The kids have gone back to school for Goodness sake! It's autumn and the trees are turning orange.

I mananged to save some spare cash this week. But I have splurged the lot on winter woolies. Bliss of thick silver grey wool and light purple mohair. Needless to say I haven't done much exercise other than unzipping my purse back and forward. I did walk a long way in the shopping arcade yesterday but i was on the way to buy aunt jemima waffle and pancake mix, original.

This morning I had a thoroughly American breakfast. Pancakes and maple syrup, with the slight addition of scottish raspberries. Yum yum yum. I know at some point my weight loss will level out and I will have to cut the goodies out of my diet.

Faced stigma again from an online user who accused me of being fat and thus unable to get a date. It made me smile but at the same time left me angry and damn well insulted for all women like me.

Life has settled into a nice routine apart from the walking. Tomorrow is market day and I will buy mushrooms and perhaps make mushroom soup if i'm up to it later in the day.

Rain

Wet Walks

Yesterday was bitterly wet. I couldn't see an end to the rain but I was getting itchy feet and desiring to be walking to town.

I set off in the rain, got as far as my car when the heavens opened there was a huge rumble of thunder and more rain bucketed down. I turned back home.

Thirty minutes later I set off again the day having brightened somewhat. I spent a brief period in the library and then decided to splurge the £2.00 in my pocket. I bought an orange gerbera from an excellent florist, who wired and wrapped my one stem. I also called into the old fashioned sweet shop and asked for sweet peanuts. They had them! Bliss. I took my treasure trove and made my way home.

As i've lost weight my long grey skirt trails near the floor, and it trailed in every puddle imaginable. The sky desided it would give me a new gift of water and so I hid under my brolly, flower and handback in hand getting soaked from puddles on the road by passing cars.

Thankfully I have now worked out how to use the shower so was able to have a long lingering soak at home. The sweet peanuts I ate half of after my ceasar salad and I was disappointed somewhat that the small chunks of peanuts have disappeared from the sweets to be replaced by a peanut powder. Still they were nice.

I'm hoping the weather clears so I can walk round the water in my boots.